Denial
by ladyjess2004
Summary: Quinn is in denial about her sexuality, pursuing a friends with benefits relationship with Rachel. Rachel goes along with it until one day she snaps and shows Quinn who she really is.
1. Chapter 1

She doesn't know how this happened. It can't possibly be happening. She was raised in a strict Christian household, she had crushes on boys in elementary school, hell she had sex and had a baby. She was supposed to be attracted to men. She wanted to be attracted to men. Her biggest fear when she was thirteen years old, that she jotted down in her journal one night, was that she was gay. She remembered vividly the day in sixth grade when she had to fight her body's instinct to lean over and kiss Santana for no reason at all.

She thought if she just pushed the feelings aside and focused her attentions on boys, everything would turn out all right. She kept Finn, Puck, and Sam as her rotating boyfriends; she always seemed to be cheating on one of them with one of the others but for some reason they kept coming back for more. Subconsciously she was cheating in the hopes that all three of them would be done with her for good but consciously she couldn't admit why she couldn't remain faithful. Well, yes she could…

She was in love with Rachel Berry.

She had fallen head over heels in love with the tiny brunette on the first day of freshman year. In junior high Rachel had been loud and annoying with frizzy hair, coke bottle glasses, and braces. But when Quinn walked through the doors of McKinley High School for the first time she couldn't believe what she saw. The plaid skirt and knee socks made it obvious she was staring at Rachel Berry but her hair was shiny and smooth, her glasses were gone and her teeth were free of metal and perfectly straight. Frankly, she was hot and Quinn was pissed. It wasn't right to be attracted to Rachel; she was obnoxious and self-centered and above all else, a girl.

For the next year and a half, Quinn vented all of her sexual frustrations by teasing and torturing Rachel. She led the charge of slushie facials and took up her artistic talents on the bathroom walls, drawing pornographic pictures of the diva. The drawings always got a laugh out of her cheerleader friends but Quinn would never admit how turned on she got on while drawing; wishing she really could see Rachel like that.

She slowly started to befriend Rachel when she was pregnant with Beth; no one would think a pregnant teenager would have inappropriate feelings for one of the school's biggest losers. The process of becoming friends took quite some time; it wasn't until she started dating Sam that she felt her and Rachel actually had a legitimate friendship.

Rachel was the first one to console her after Sam broke up with her. This was in spite of the fact that she had kissed Finn whom Rachel still seemed to be hung up on. The brunette invited Quinn over to her house that Friday night saying that ice cream, movies, and girl talk were the key to mending a broken heart. Quinn could hardly tell Rachel that she wasn't nearly as broken-hearted as she appeared so she simply accepted the invitation, thrilled to spend time alone with the tiny diva.

Quinn had never been so nervous as when she entered the Berry household for the first time on Friday night. Rachel was bubbly and happy to see her, grabbing the ice cream from the freezer and two spoons from the cupboard before leading the blonde up to her bedroom. Quinn hoped that they would stay in the living room, but clearly Rachel had other plans. Luckily the girl's room was quite spacious so she wouldn't have to sit on the bed with Rachel.

Unfortunately, the brunette had other ideas. "Quinn, get over here. I only have one gallon of ice cream and we can't share if you sit on the other side of the room."

"Is it crappy non-dairy vegan crap?" the blonde asked as she hesitantly sat on Rachel's bed, leaving the ice cream container as a barrier between them.

"No. While I try to remain loyal to my vegan standards, certain situations call for drastic measures. I'm more than willing to indulge in some real ice cream if it will make you feel better."

Quinn smiled, her heart swelling at how selfless Rachel actually was. Her eyes drank in the brunette. Rachel was essentially dressed like a normal person in a pair of well-worn jeans and a red v-neck t-shirt that showed just a hint of cleavage. Quinn couldn't help her gaze from lingering on Rachel's chest for a bit longer than was appropriate for a supposedly straight girl. She hoped Rachel didn't notice.

The girls decided to watch a slapstick comedy, neither one was in the mood for anything that might produce tears. The laughed along with the movie but for the most part, they talked. Quinn found it easy to open up and talk with Rachel and apparently the singer felt the same way. She admitted that she was happier now that she wasn't with Finn, she said being by herself again made her realize that he hadn't treated her well at all. Quinn in return confessed that she didn't think she was in love with Sam but more with the idea of being in love. She did not let slip; however, that Rachel was the one she was really in love with.

As the night progressed, Quinn felt herself getting more and more relaxed in Rachel's presence. She didn't realize exactly how much though until Rachel asked:

"Quinn, may I ask why you keep staring at my chest? I'm not even wearing an animal sweater tonight."

_Shit. _Quinn thought. Her brain struggled to come up with some excuse, any excuse, but she decided at this point she may as well be honest.

"Okay, listen Berry." Rachel raised an eyebrow at the sudden use of her surname, lately it seemed Quinn had been trying to break herself of the habit. "I'm straight but you're hot. You distract me and it's driving me crazy. I can't take it anymore."

Rachel thought for a moment before responding. She thought it was odd that Quinn prefaced her statement by insisting that she was straight so she knew she had to tread lightly, especially since she herself had a small crush on the blonde. "Quinn…what do you need from me? Just tell me and I'll do it. We're friends, right? I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me."

Quinn was fighting an internal battle. She knew what she wanted but also knew she shouldn't want it. She thought if she just got it out of her system she would be okay; maybe she only wanted it because it was something she had been told was forbidden.

"Quinn?" Rachel asked softly, placing her hand on top of the blonde's. "Please tell me."

Instead of words, Quinn reacted by leaning in and smashing her lips against Rachel's. The kiss was hard and bruising, teeth knocking together as their tongues dueled. Quinn gripped Rachel's shoulders, she desperately wanted to run her fingers through the girl's hair but she wouldn't allow herself that luxury. If she kept her eyes closed and just focused on the kiss itself, perhaps she could fool herself into thinking she was kissing a guy.

When Rachel moaned into Quinn's mouth, the cheerleader pulled away from the kiss as if she had been burned. Her eyes blazed with a mixture of desire and fury. "Don't. Do. That." She said harshly. "I can't hear you make sounds like that."

"Why not?" Rachel's lips were swollen from their kiss and Quinn had to stop herself from ravishing her again.

"Because I'm straight. I wanted to kiss you but I can't hear a girl moan. I just can't. I want to keep kissing you but…no sounds, okay?"

Rachel nodded in agreement only because she wanted to feel Quinn's lips on hers again. She fought hard not to moan when the blonde's soft lips descended on hers for the second time.

Quinn's kisses were a delicious blend of passion and fury and Rachel didn't know what to make of the whole situation. The blonde kept insisting she was straight but she sure wasn't acting like it. At this point, Rachel was willing to take whatever Quinn wanted to give. She had so often thought what it would be like to kiss the Head Cheerio and now that she knew, she would do whatever Quinn asked if it meant this could continue.

When Quinn pulled away from the kiss, her hazel eyes locked with Rachel's brown ones. The look on her face was deadly serious as she said; "I want you to listen very closely to me, Rachel. I want more from you; I want you to touch me. But not now, I need to take care of some things first. And don't you dare tell anyone about this, if you do, I swear we'll never do anything like this ever again."

"I understand Quinn. I'm here for you." She did understand. It was quite obvious that Quinn was struggling with her sexuality and Rachel would give her all the time she needed to come to terms with who she was. And maybe, with a little help she could make the blonde realize that they could love one another.

***  
Throughout the next week, Rachel and Quinn both acted as if their kisses the previous Friday never happened. They managed to still hang out and talk without any awkwardness, although Rachel was waiting for Quinn to tell her she was ready for more. Her waiting came to an end on Thursday before Glee Club began.

She was the first one in the choir room as usual but then, very unusually, Quinn was the second. She walked purposely up to Rachel and said quietly but firmly, "I need to make this quick. Tomorrow night? Will your dads be home?"

"No. They're going to the cottage for the weekend." More often than not, Rachel's fathers spent their weekends at the small house they had in Sandusky. Rachel joined them occasionally but since she had started high school, she enjoyed having the house to herself for two days.

"Good. Can I stay over? There's something I want us to do."

Rachel's heart rate sped up at the thought of what Quinn might want to do. "Sure," she replied. "You can come over whenever."

***  
Quinn arrived at Rachel's house the next day just after 6 p.m. She carried her Cheerios duffel bag that was bursting at the seams.

"How long do you plan on staying?" Rachel asked, eyeing the bag.

"Just for the night. But you know me, it's so hard for me to pack lightly." Then, without waiting for Rachel, Quinn walked down the hallway and up the stairs to Rachel's bedroom. She dropped the duffel bag in the corner, turning around to face the brunette with her hands on her hips.

"Before we do anything," Quinn said immediately, "I need to tell you the rules. We will do this until I don't need you anymore. I'm sorry to be blunt but I need you to know that this is only a friends with benefits thing. This is something I'm curious about but I'm totally straight. You might think I'm selfish because I want you to touch me but I can't touch you. I just can't."

Rachel stood silently, absorbing Quinn's words. She felt sympathy for the blonde cheerleader; she was clearly conflicted but trying so hard to fight it, attempting to convince herself that she was something she was not. Rachel knew it would be hard to not have Quinn touch her, her body was already aching for her, but she knew if she tried to rush things Quinn would bolt and she would lose her.

"It's okay Quinn," the smaller girl said. She swallowed hard before adding, "You can take what you want from me. It's fine."

Quinn could hardly believe how easily Rachel was giving herself to her. She felt a rush of what she could only describe as love for the tiny brunette which she quickly shoved to the back of her mind. It wasn't right to love Rachel Berry.

But she needed this. She sat on the edge of the bed and motioned with her index finger for Rachel to sit next to her. She watched as her hand moved of its own accord and rested on Rachel's thigh, already breaking her own rules. The brunette sucked in a breath at the contact and turned her head to face Quinn.

Her big brown eyes were wide and unblinking and her lips were full and pouty. Quinn leaned in and pressed their lips together. Unlike their first kiss, this one was slow and gentle. Quinn allowed it to go on for a few moments until she pulled away harshly. "No. No more kissing. Just touch me."

She stood up and hurriedly stripped off her clothes, not looking at the surprised but delighted look on Rachel's face. She then laid down on the bed, flat on her back, her arms resting above her head. "Go," she said, her eyes closed.

_Well this is unsexy, _Rachel thought but seeing Quinn Fabray naked on her bed asking to be touched was enough to make her look past how awkward the blonde was making the situation.

She began by running her fingers over Quinn's body, paying extra attention to her breasts and nipples, watching the small buds stiffen due to her touch. She moved lower, over the girl's flat stomach and hipbones before caressing her inner thighs.

Up until this point, Quinn had not made a single sound and Rachel was worried she wasn't enjoying herself. Until she looked at the girl's face and saw she was biting her lip in a way that looked awfully painful.

"Quinn, I know you are pretending this isn't me touching you and that's okay. But you can make noise if you are enjoying it."

She placed soft kisses on the girl's inner thighs, slowly moving toward her intended target. She could smell Quinn's arousal and wished that the blonde would give voice to her pleasure. Rachel heard a quiet barely there whimper when she ran her finger along Quinn's slit and was rewarded with a delighted moan when her tongue traveled the same path as her finger.

Rachel couldn't believe she was licking and tasting Quinn Fabray. She tasted amazing and Rachel knew she was hooked. Her tongue explored Quinn's wet folds, thrilled with the moans the blonde was making. She fought the urge to let loose a moan of her own against Quinn's clit but she had a feeling noises from her were against the rules. She felt Quinn's hand graze her hair for just a fraction of a second before the blonde fisted both hands in the bed sheets.

Quinn's body was on fire. Rachel's tongue felt incredible and she knew she wasn't far from coming. But she would not let herself come apart around Rachel's tongue, she had to fool her mind into thinking it was a man making her feel this way.

"Ra…" she started then clamped her mouth shut. She would not say Rachel's name while her tongue was doing such wonderful things to her body. Instead, she grabbed a chunk of brown hair and pulled the girl's face away from her sex. Rachel looked at her, eyes wide and questioning, her lips glistening with Quinn's juices. The blonde closed her eyes tightly and tilted her head toward her duffel bag in the corner.

"In my bag," she said brusquely. "I need you to fuck me with what you find in there."

Rachel hopped off the bed and began to rummage through the red duffel bag. Underneath a pile of clothes she found a black harness with a flesh colored dildo attached. Rachel inspected the silicone appendage, it had the exact ridges and contours of a penis; Quinn clearly took her time in picking this specific one.

Still Rachel felt the dampness in her panties at the thought of fucking Quinn with the strap-on. She pushed her skirt and panties down her legs. She reached for her shirt but stilled her movements when she heard Quinn's harsh voice.

"Leave your shirt on."

Rachel rolled her eyes in frustration but obeyed the blonde's command. Once she had the strap-on in place, she silently walked back to the bed, getting on her knees between Quinn's legs. She ran the dildo up and down the taller girl's slit, teasing her clit with the head.

Quinn growled out in frustration. "God, just fuck me already!"

Rachel pushed inside of Quinn, watching in fascination as each inch of the dildo disappeared inside her body. Quinn raised her arms above her head and gripped the pillow, letting out deep breathes as her body stretched and accommodated around the silicone. If she just kept her eyes closed, she was sure she could convince herself it was a real penis.

Rachel's thrusts were slow and gentle, not knowing if Quinn was comfortable or not. She was surprised how much pleasure she was receiving from this as well, the base of the strap-on was rubbing against her clit perfectly, driving her crazy with desire.

"Faster," Quinn moaned desperately. "Fuck me hard. I need to come."

The brunette was quick to oblige, pounding into Quinn relentlessly. The blonde was biting her lip again only allowing small moans to escape every so often. She brought her hand down and rubbed her clit furiously until she came hard. She bit down on her lip until it bled, a desperate cry caught in her throat. Rachel thrust a few more times until she orgasmed as well and, not able to control herself, she moaned Quinn's name at the height of her climax.

Quinn quickly pulled away from Rachel and put her clothes back on. "Thank you," she said formally. "Now that you know the rules, I expect the next time to be quicker and to the point."

***  
For the next two months, Rachel and Quinn continued their arrangement with them fucking two or three times a week. Usually Quinn would come over to Rachel's house and the brunette would fuck her into oblivion. It had gotten to the point where Quinn demanded to be fucked against the wall, hard and rough so she could come quickly and leave. She still didn't touch Rachel and left her eyes closed the entire time.

When they weren't fooling around, their friendship was as strong as ever. A small part of Quinn wished things could be awkward because then she could prove to herself that what they were doing was wrong. Instead, she found herself still in denial over her love for Rachel and fighting her instincts to run her hands over the brunette's body every chance she got.

Rachel also found herself buckling under the weight of their friends with benefits arrangement. She knew she was in love with Quinn and wanted nothing more than to tell her but didn't think the girl had the strength to handle her confession. Quinn was so fragile and as much as it pained Rachel that she could only have sex with the woman she loved while wearing a strap-on and was forbidden from vocalizing her pleasure, she did it because it was what Quinn wanted. She was willing to do anything for Quinn and she would give the blonde as much time as she needed to see what was right in front of her; that she was loved.

***  
Rachel was almost asleep when her cell phone beeped, signaling that she had a new text message. She grumbled to herself as she grabbed the bedazzled phone, the LED light seeming to illuminate her whole bedroom.

**Can you do me a favor? –Q**

She couldn't help but smile when she saw the message was from Quinn and quickly replied with:

**Of course. What is it?**

She had to wait a few minutes for the response and when she received it, she gasped.

**Can you wear the strap-on to school tomorrow? I don't think I can make it through the whole day without you fucking me.**

Rachel's mouth watered and she swallowed audibly as she felt the tingling begin between her legs. The two of them had been so secretive about their sexual relationship; they didn't even talk about it to each other and now Quinn wanted to have sex in public. Just the thought of Quinn needing her so bad that she would risk getting caught was enough to make Rachel want to touch herself. But she would hold off, it would make the next day with Quinn that much better.

Getting dressed the next morning proved to be a challenge. Rachel had no idea what she could wear that wouldn't make it obvious that she had a sex toy attached to her body. She settled on one of her favorite dresses, it didn't cling to her body and if she adjusted the dildo just right between her legs, she was sure none would be the wiser.

She sat through the first half of the school day wondering when she would see Quinn. The two girls had no classes together in the morning and rarely passed each other in the halls due to their differing schedules. Even though Quinn was the one who requested this rendezvous, Rachel knew she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off the blonde the second she saw her. The constant presence of the dildo between her legs as she sat in class kept her turned on; she could feel the silicone rubbing against her and already getting wet with her juices.

Just before the bell rang for lunch, Rachel heard her phone buzzing from inside her purse. She had a text from Quinn telling her to skip lunch and meet her in the bathroom in the tech hallway. The tech hallway was in the far corner of the school and always deserted during lunch hour, the chance of anyone finding them there was slim to none.

When Rachel entered the bathroom she saw Quinn standing in front of the mirror, head down, hands gripping either side of the sink. Without even looking up the blonde said gruffly, "Lock the door."

Rachel turned the lock, the click very loud in the otherwise silent bathroom. She approached Quinn who still hadn't turned to face her and continued to stare into the sink. She wrapped her arm around the blonde's waist and leaned into her, letting the strap-on press into her backside.

Quinn moaned from low in her throat and pushed her backside further into Rachel. "Fuck me. Now." She growled.

Rachel lifted up Quinn's Cheerios skirt, shocked to see that the blonde was wearing absolutely underneath. "God, Quinn, good thing you aren't going to be on the top of the pyramid today."

She fell to her knees and licked Quinn's slit from behind. She expertly licked up and down, her tongue probing at the girl's entrance.

"Damn it, you're wearing that strap-on for a reason!" Quinn hissed. "Use it!"

Rachel stood up and lifted her dress up over her hips. She grabbed the shaft of the dildo, positioning it at Quinn's entrance before roughly shoving into her. Rachel bit her lip to keep from moaning out loud when she looked up and saw her and Quinn in the mirror. Even though Quinn had her eyes scrunched shut, Rachel couldn't get over how undeniably sexy they were together.

She gripped the taller girl's hips as she thrust hard and fast. Over the past two months, Rachel knew Quinn wanted it rough and quick so that's what she gave her. She reached down and began to rub the blonde's clit, hearing her breathing become ragged.

Rachel focused on their images in the mirror, knowing that if she had any hope of getting off herself that she needed to see them together. Quinn's cheeks were flushed and her mouth was slightly open as she moaned and panted. Suddenly she had the overwhelming desire to look into Quinn's eyes when the taller girl climaxed.

"Open your eyes, Quinn," she ordered. She was breaking two rules at the same time by speaking and telling Quinn what to do and she didn't expect the cheerleader to listen. Therefore, she was shocked and pleased when Quinn snapped her eyes open, meeting hers through the glass of the mirror.

Quinn felt something break inside of her when she met Rachel's eyes. The brunette was pounding furiously into her, her brow furrowed and there was a light sheen of sweat at her hairline. She was…beautiful.

Rachel pressed down on Quinn's clit and the blonde felt herself come undone. Staring into the smaller girl's eyes as her orgasm coursed through her body, Quinn screamed with pure pleasure wanting to scream Rachel's name as well.

"Raaaa…." She choked out before biting down on her tongue so hard she could taste the blood in her mouth. It was one thing to actually look at Rachel while they had sex, if she screamed her name in the throes of passion there would be no turning back.

When Quinn felt her orgasm subside, she pulled away from Rachel quickly, straightening her Cheerios uniform, her eyes focused on the tiled floor of the bathroom.

"Thank you," she said tersely. "I'm better now. I don't think we need to do this anymore." With her eyes still cast downward, she strode toward the bathroom door, unlocking it and leaving Rachel in a stunned silence.

Rachel knew she blew it. She made Quinn look at her and now she scared her away. Quinn would not be coming back for more and they would go back to just being friends. Rachel did not want that, she wanted Quinn as her girlfriend. She thought if she waited Quinn out it would happen but now she would have to take a risk. She had one last chance and it would either make Quinn realize her true sexuality or it would completely ruin their friendship. Rachel was willing to roll the dice.

She approached Quinn before Glee Club began that afternoon and asked in her sweetest voice, "Quinn, would you like to come over to my house this afternoon? I know we both have that history essay due on Friday and I thought perhaps, you would prefer it if we helped each other out. I, for one, find it much easier to write essays if there is another person around."

"Uh...sure," Quinn agreed. She thought that after their encounter in the bathroom, Rachel wouldn't approach her for at least a few days. But it was only hours later and the tiny diva was inviting her over. Maybe their friendship wouldn't be ruined after all now that Quinn had cut off the sexual part of their relationship.

Quinn drove to Rachel's house as soon as Glee adjourned for the day, surprised to see that Rachel had beat her there; her white car with the gold star bumper sticker was already parked in the driveway. Quinn walked up to the front door, ringing the doorbell. Within seconds, her cell phone vibrated in her purse, alerting her to a new text message.

**It's unlocked. Just come in. I'm upstairs.**

Slightly confused as to why Rachel couldn't walk down the stairs and answer the door, Quinn entered the house, locking the door behind her. She padded down the hallway and up the stairs to Rachel's bedroom. The door was closed and she knocked once before opening the door and entering the room. It was suddenly very clear to Quinn why Rachel hadn't let her into the house.

Rachel was sitting on her bed in just her plaid skirt and black bra, a seductive smile on her face.

Quinn immediately dropped her purse and backpack on the floor, her throat dry. "What…what do you think you're doing?" she stammered. Her instincts were telling her to run but it felt like her feet were rooted to the floor.

Rachel stood up and sauntered over to Quinn. She didn't say a word. She grabbed the blonde by the back of the neck and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss.

Quinn tried to pull away but Rachel had a tight grasp on her neck with one hand and the top of her Cheerios uniform with the other. Rachel kissed her with such intensity and Quinn's brain kept telling her to make this stop and push the brunette away but her body betrayed her and sank into the kiss.

The moment Rachel felt Quinn relax and begin to kiss her back, she ran her tongue along the blonde's bottom lip and moaned in approval when Quinn opened her mouth and brought her tongue out to play with hers. Rachel's hands balled into fists around Quinn's top and she began to pull the girl over to her bed, pushing her down on the mattress gently and lying on top of her, never once breaking their kiss.

Rachel allowed her fingers to dip under the hem of Quinn's top, loving the feel of her bare skin against her fingertips. At the contact, Quinn pulled away from the kiss and turned her head to the side. Rachel immediately took advantage and attached her lips to Quinn's neck, licking and sucking with the same intensity she used on the cheerleader's lips.

"Rachel," Quinn groaned feebly. "We have to stop. This isn't right."

"No, Quinn," Rachel mumbled into her neck. "It is right and you know it." She ran her hands higher up Quinn's body and felt the girl's hard nipples through her bra. "Look how much your body loves my touch. You can't deny me anymore."

Quinn moaned when Rachel pinched her nipples through the fabric of her bra. She was tired of fighting, she knew she wanted this but her mind kept screaming at her that Rachel was a girl and girls didn't have sex with other girls. She was so busy fighting her internal battle that she didn't even notice Rachel pulling her top over her head and removing her bra. She did notice, however, when the brunette's warm mouth closed around her nipple.

Rachel swirled her tongue around the hard bud, her teeth grazing it lightly. She paid equal attention to its twin, reveling in Quinn's soft moans. She then kissed down the blonde's body, pulling the red skirt off still thrilled that Quinn had chosen to go commando.

Seeing Quinn naked sent a jolt of electricity straight to Rachel's core. "God, Quinn you are so beautiful," she whispered. She ran her fingers teasingly over the sensitive skin of Quinn's inner thighs before leaning down and placing a kiss on the girl's sex.

Quinn, acting on impulse, opened her legs to grant Rachel better access. Rachel could see the blonde's clit and she instinctively leaned in and ran her tongue over the small bundle of nerves. She hadn't tasted Quinn since their first time together and she had missed it. Rachel lapped at Quinn's juices happily hearing the blonde's moans become louder and more frequent.

Rachel pulled her mouth away from Quinn's dripping sex and moved up her body, fusing their lips together once more. Quinn could taste herself on Rachel's tongue and she was surprised to find she liked it. She tasted tangy yet sweet and she couldn't stop herself from wondering what Rachel might taste like.

"Quinn," Rachel breathed against her lips. "Touch me."

The blonde opened her eyes in alarm, not sure if she could do what Rachel wanted.

"Please," Rachel begged softly, her expression doe eyed. "I need to feel your hands on me."

Quinn hesitantly lifted her hands and Rachel covered them with her own, leading her to her breasts. Quinn experimentally massaged the soft yet firm mounds, watching the black bra straps fall off Rachel's tiny shoulders and down her arms. The brunette reached back and unclasped the bra, flinging the offending garment across the room. Quinn stared in awe at the tiny perky breasts, her fingers tracing over the hard pebble sized brown nipples.

"Oh Quinn," Rachel moaned as the blonde ran her thumbs in circles around her nipples.

The smaller girl moved her hand down between their bodies and began stroking Quinn's clit with her thumb, her fingers playing with the girl's entrance.

The panic she was trying to suppress crept into Quinn's voice. "Rachel…no…the strap-on…"

"We're not using it," Rachel replied steadfastly. "I want to feel you and I want you to feel me. You've been trying to fool yourself for too long, Quinn. It hasn't been a man making you orgasm for the past two months it's been me. And I've been dying to finger you but you haven't let me because you are so afraid of the fact that a woman is making you feel this good. I want to show you that there's nothing wrong with that, it's okay to feel this way."

Quinn felt her eyes burn with tears as Rachel gently pushed two fingers into her. It felt so good, so much more real and intimate than the dildo she had been forcing Rachel to use. The amount of passion reflected in Rachel's deep brown eyes became too much for Quinn; she closed her eyes, letting herself focus on the brunette's fingers pumping in and out of her.

A few tears leaked out of the blonde's closed eyes. Rachel leaned down and kissed them away before kissing Quinn's lips slowly and sensually.

"It's okay, Quinn," Rachel whispered as she began to scissor her fingers and move them faster. "You feel amazing. I can't get enough of you."

All the feelings of love for Rachel that Quinn had been trying to shove away suddenly came to the forefront and she was overwhelmed. The sensation of the brunette's small fingers moving perfectly inside of her and their bare chests pressed together was becoming too much and Quinn knew she was on the brink.

"I…I'm…" she gasped out in between moans.

Rachel could feel the blonde's inner walls tightening around her fingers and knew what Quinn was trying to say.

"I know, Quinnie, I know," she said tenderly. "Let go for me. I want to feel you come around my fingers."

Quinn's fists were clenched around the bed sheets and when Rachel's thumb brushed lightly against her clit, her eyes flew open, hazel meeting chocolate brown. "Rachel!" she shrieked as her body went rigid for a second before convulsing with pleasure.

She didn't even feel the tears running down her face until Rachel started wiping them away.

"Ssh, it's okay, it's okay," Rachel repeated over and over as the taller girl continued to cry.

"I'm so confused," Quinn choked out between her tears that had now turned into sobs, her body still warm and tingly from her orgasm. "I like you a lot Rachel, I really do…"

"I know this is hard for you Quinn," Rachel replied, her fingers now stroking the cheerleader's blonde hair. "But let's just take things one day at a time. You deserve to be happy and you shouldn't live in fear that what makes you happy is wrong. I can't promise you this will be easy but I can promise you I will be by your side every step of the way."

Quinn's tears subsided; Rachel's words were so soothing. She didn't know what the future held for her but she knew if she had Rachel Berry to help her through then truly everything would turn out all right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so this was totally supposed to be a one-shot but after all the amazing reviews I received both here and on LJ to continue it, I just couldn't let it die. I really hope this part lives up to the original! Enjoy!**

"Hey girlfriend! Having fun?"

"Yeah," Quinn said unconvincingly. Inside, her brain was screaming. Rachel did not just call her "girlfriend" out loud with all of the Glee Club present. How could she give them away just like that?

It had only been two weeks since the afternoon in Rachel's bedroom when Quinn had broken down after Rachel made love to her. Since then, they had tread lightly. They had agreed that they would try being girlfriends but keep a low profile in public.

And now here Rachel was, calling her girlfriend in front of everybody. But as soon as she heard Puck talking about raiding the liquor cabinet, Quinn calmed down. Everyone was focused on making this train wreck of a party more fun; if they even heard Rachel's comment they sure as hell weren't taking it seriously.

Quinn was hesitant about drinking, she'd only done it the one time and ended up pregnant, and Rachel had the gall to want to serve wine coolers, the infamous drink that Puck had used to get into her pants. But when the boys started grabbing random bottles of liquor and mixing drinks, Quinn absentmindedly took the red cup that was offered to her and took a sip.

The drink was mostly vodka with what appeared to be a hint of cranberry juice and it burned going down her throat. She was tempted to go to the bathroom and dump the contents of the cup down the sink drain but found herself taking another sip, which was quickly followed by another.

Before long Quinn found herself midway through her third drink and she was definitely feeling the effects of the vodka. She was surprised at the anger she felt coursing through her veins, most of it directed at Puck who was currently dancing like a fool while wearing Lauren Zizes' glasses. She wanted to tell him how mad she was about him getting her pregnant, about how much she missed Beth every single day, that she wished she could take her first time back from him so she could give it to Rachel, but instead all she managed to say was, "I hate what you did to my body! I used to have abs!"

She drained the rest of her drink and was clumsily making her way over to the makeshift bar when suddenly Rachel was standing on a table and demanding that it was time to play spin the bottle. Quinn knew nothing good could come of such a game but she still found herself sitting in the circle between Mercedes and Finn. She watched with bored eyes as her friends spun the empty beer bottle and paired off swapping kisses, some chaste and quick, others sloppy and with tongue.

When Blaine spun the bottle and it landed on Rachel, Quinn tried to convince herself that she didn't care. She lifted the red Solo cup to her lips and sipped her drink, her eyes watching the spectacle in front of her over the rim. Rachel was clearly drunk and more than eager to lock lips with the Warbler, telling him she was going to rock his world. Quinn decided she would have to have a word with Kurt for dragging him along to a Glee Club Only party.

Blaine and Rachel kissed longer than anyone expected and when Rachel finally pulled away, her eyes were glazed over and she slurred, "Your face tastes great."

Quinn squeezed her cup tightly in her hand, surprised to find that she had drained it completely while Rachel sucked face with Blaine. She had never been jealous before, in her life she tended to always get what she wanted, but she figured jealously must be what she was feeling. She wasn't ready for anyone to know she was gay or that she was in love with Rachel, she hadn't even said those three words to Rachel yet, but she wanted to do something to prove that the tiny brunette was hers.

Rachel spun the beer bottle with a loud whoop of delight, her brown eyes practically spinning as she watched the bottle twirl. When it came to a stop, Rachel's eyes widened and she suddenly seemed very clear-headed. "You know what, this is such a juvenile game. Let's just forget it."

"No way, Berry!" Puck shouted. "You spun, you gotta kiss her!"

Rachel swallowed hard. Just her luck that the bottle would land slightly off-center but undoubtedly pointing at Quinn. Kissing the blonde in front of everyone could have disastrous consequences; that is if Quinn even let her get close enough for them to kiss in the first place. She did not want to put Quinn in that position, she cared too much about the blonde to jeopardize their newfound relationship and whatever feelings they had for each other.

"Noah, I do not have to do any such thing. Besides, it's not like Quinn even wants to kiss…"

"I'll do it."

The room went silent except for the thumping bass of the stereo as all eyes turned to Quinn. The fingers of her left hand were tapping against the carpet but other than that, she looked perfectly calm.

Rachel stared at the taller girl with wide eyes. "Quinn, that's not necessary. Don't let Noah force you to do something just because he finds it arousing…"

"Hey! It's not my fault you are both hot chicks," Puck interjected.

"Rachel," Quinn responded firmly, giving Puck her evil eye, "it's fine. It's just a game. Let's do it and get it over with."

A final glance seeking permission and a nod of the head was all Rachel needed. She half crawled and half stumbled her way across the circle over to Quinn. Resting on her knees, the brunette leaned forward and pressed her lips to Quinn's.

She intended it to be a quick peck on the lips for Quinn's sake. But alcohol must really be liquid courage; she didn't even have the chance to pull away before Quinn had wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and deepened the kiss.

Ignoring the catcalls from Puck, Artie, and what sounded a lot like Brittany, the girls moved their lips against each other ardently. Throwing caution to the wind, Rachel ran her tongue across Quinn's full lips. The blonde obliged her girlfriend, opening her mouth slightly and allowing her tongue entrance. Without thinking, Rachel moaned into Quinn's mouth and pulled the taller girl's body closer to her own.

"This is so fucking hot!"

The outburst from Puck followed by the flash of a camera phone was enough to pull both Rachel and Quinn out of their passionate reverie. Rachel stared at Quinn apologetically and wasn't at all surprised when the blonde took on her bitchy persona.

"Puckerman, I swear, if that picture ends up on Facebook I will castrate you." With sudden cat-like reflexes, she leaned over and snatched the phone out of Puck's hand and immediately deleted the picture, ignoring his strangled protests. She tossed the device back to him and said in a deadly voice to the group at large, "This does not get repeated to anyone. Is that understood?"

Following that the party continued on as normal with Puck cornering Quinn and Rachel every half hour or so trying to get them to kiss again. After a series of rebuffs and a threat of a kick in his jewels from Quinn, the mohawked boy spent the rest of the evening dancing like an idiot and hitting on Santana.

It was nearly four in the morning when Kurt and Finn began gathering up their drunken friends to take them home. Santana was a blubbery crying mess, Brittany was complaining that she couldn't find her bra, and Blaine had an arm wrapped around Mercedes' waist as he was practically passed out. Finn walked down the basement stairs and said to Rachel who was spinning side to side on a bar stool, "Okay Rach, I think we have everyone so we're going to take off. Are you okay by yourself?" It was at that moment he noticed a flash of blonde hair at the sink behind the bar. "Quinn? What are you still doing here? I thought you were in Kurt's car."

"I think I'm just going to stay here," the cheerleader replied casually. "My mom is on a trip with her sister this weekend and I don't want to be in that big house all by myself so Rachel said I could crash here."

Finn looked between Quinn and Rachel trying to determine exactly what was going on. "Good night Finn," Rachel said when the tall boy continued to stand there. "You better hurry back to the car before Brittany figures out how to open the door and goes streaking."

Rachel followed Finn up the stairs so she could lock the front door behind him and then made her way back to the basement. Quinn was still behind the bar except now she had two full cocktail glasses in front of her. "What are you doing?" Rachel asked.

"I thought we could have a nightcap." Quinn could still feel the alcohol in her system but her buzz was wearing off and she wanted that feeling back. That feeling of being relaxed and untroubled and wanting to touch Rachel without worrying about the consequences.

"A nightcap?" Rachel giggled. "What seventeen year old says that?"

"Spoken from the only walking thesaurus I've ever met," Quinn said, sliding one of the glasses across the bar in front of Rachel. "I'm sorry, my parents were country clubbers. I was brought up with bar lingo."

Rachel took a large swallow of the drink and immediately spluttered. "Damn Quinn, what is this?"

"It's a Poor Man's Stinger." Seeing the look of confusion on the brunette's face she immediately added, "Peppermint schnapps with a whiskey float. You're supposed to sip it, that's why it's a nightcap."

Quinn may have only drunk one other time in her life but she was brought up around overly social parents who were always drinking one thing or another. By the time she was fourteen she was taught how to mix the perfect martini and she honed her bartending skills from there as a way to be able to participate in the parties her parents would throw at the house. It was the Fabrays' way of showing off their beautiful flawless daughter and thinking about it now made Quinn's stomach tie up in knots. Her father had moved back in just after the school year had started, a fact that she neglected to tell anyone and the main reason why she did not want to go home, and the thought of one day telling her parents that she was gay, well that would be the last straw and she would be thrown out of the house again and this time probably for good.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Rachel's soft hand covering her own. "Quinn?" she asked softly. "Where did you just go?"

"I was thinking about my parents and how terrified I am about everything."

"Oh sweetie, it's okay. We're taking things slow remember? You don't have to tell anyone anything until you're ready. Although if we keep having parties where we drink and play spin the bottle I think people will start to figure things out." Rachel's lips curved upward into a smile and Quinn felt her face doing the same.

"Yeah I wasn't planning on kissing you like that," the blonde said. "But your lips just felt so good against mine." At her own statement Quinn's face flushed pink and she stared down into her drink.

"Don't be embarrassed Quinn." Rachel's voice was soft and soothing. "I like it too. I like it very much."

"I…I still have that voice inside of me saying that it's wrong."

The past few weeks had been extremely rough on Quinn. Whenever she saw Rachel she was overcome with the need to kiss her and she was flooded with the memories of the singer's tiny fingers inside of her making her feel things she had never felt before. Yet there was that part of her brain, the one that had been convinced by her upbringing that homosexuality was a sin, that told her she was a bad person and that she would burn in hell for not only having these feelings but for acting on them. More often than not Quinn cried herself to sleep, her heart in such conflict with her brain and not knowing how to rectify it.

Rachel, to her credit, had been nothing but supportive. Since that afternoon in her bedroom she had not pushed Quinn to do anything even though her hormones were working in overdrive with the need to be touched by the blonde. She knew it would take Quinn time to find herself and she was happy to simply be part of the journey.

When they had polished off their drinks Rachel asked, "Do you want to go to bed?" At the words Quinn's eyelids suddenly felt heavy and she nodded her head. Rachel held out her hand, which Quinn promptly took after walking out from behind the bar.

The brunette led the cheerleader up two flights of stairs to her bedroom and upon entering the bright yellow room and said, "I'm going to brush my teeth. I have t-shirts and shorts in my closet that you can change in to."

Quinn picked out a black Wicked t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts with little music notes on them as everything in the closet practically screamed that they belonged to Rachel Berry and these looked the most comfortable. The blonde inwardly cursed the diva's tiny stature; the shorts barely covered her backside and left little to the imagination. She sat cross-legged in the center of Rachel's full sized bed, grabbing one of the many stuffed animals that littered the top of Rachel's headboard.

She was fiddling with the ratty old teddy bear when Rachel walked out of the bathroom. Her hands stilled as her eyes blatantly looked the brunette up and down. Rachel had shed her God awful dress and was apparently going to sleep in what she had on underneath, a black tank top and blue and green striped cotton boy shorts. Quinn definitely approved of the choice but what she enjoyed even more were the dark black glasses on Rachel's face.

"You wear glasses?" Quinn asked, thunderstruck.

"Yes. Unfortunately my eyesight is not perfect and I require the aid of contact lenses or glasses." Rachel sat on the edge of the bed, purposefully not getting too close to Quinn.

"I like them. You look…" Quinn glanced nervously around the room as if someone was there to overhear her. "Sexy," she finished.

Rachel beamed. "You think so?" The blonde rarely complimented her; even once they had forged a friendship the old insults of "Treasure Trail," "Man Hands," and all the others haunted Rachel.

"Yeah." Quinn had never called a girl sexy except in her own head before and to finally say it out loud and to see the way it made Rachel's face light up; it made her want to say more. "You should wear them more often. Although you're beautiful no matter what." The taller girl timidly reached out with her right hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Rachel's ear, watching in awe as the singer's eyes closed and she leaned in to the touch so Quinn's fingertips grazed her cheek.

Rachel could feel the effects of the alcohol running through her body. Behind her closed eyelids it felt like the room was spinning and she was filled with an urge to touch Quinn in any way possible. Then, as if an answer to her unspoken prayers, the blonde whispered hoarsely, "Kiss me."

Rachel opened her eyes a fraction of an inch, just to gauge where Quinn's lips were in relations to hers, before closing them again and leaning in until her full lips came in contact with the softness of Quinn's. She moved her lips slowly and delicately, treating Quinn like a fragile doll that could break apart at any moment. What she did not consider, however, was that Quinn was also under the influence of alcohol, enough to give her that added bit of courage. She let out a moan of surprise and pleasure when she felt the blonde's lips press harder against hers and she kissed back with an equal amount of passion.

Both girls' tongues snuck out of their mouths at almost the exact same second as if they were in sync with the others body. The tips of their tongues met and Rachel, acting totally on instinct, straddled Quinn's lap and wrapped her arms around her new girlfriend's neck. Quinn's fingers fiddled with the hem of Rachel's tank top and her fingers grazed smooth skin but she quickly pulled away as if she had been burned. She placed her palms flat on the mattress but continued to kiss Rachel deeply, her tongue swirling with the brunette's and their lips gliding together.

Rachel shifted so she was perched over Quinn's thigh and rotated her hips causing her core to rub against the blonde's creamy pale skin. She moaned, a low sound from deep within her throat, and her hands gripped Quinn's shoulders tightly. The blonde could feel Rachel's wetness through the thin layer of the boy shorts on her bare thigh and her hands moved of their own accord back to the bottom of the singer's tank top.

"Quinn," Rachel moaned against the tall girl's lips when she felt hands slip under her shirt and glide over her flat stomach. Quinn moved her lips away from Rachel's and hovered her mouth right above the diva's pulse point. She was about to latch on when a cold chill seized her and her body stiffened.

Rachel's movements stilled. "What's wrong? Quinnie?" She looked into Quinn's hazel eyes; they were blank and that scared Rachel more than anything else. The blonde's fingers now felt heavy and cold on her stomach.

"I…I want to touch you Rachel. God, I want to. But I can't, not yet. I'm not ready." She stopped herself from adding, "It's wrong," as she was trying so hard to suppress that voice and make it disappear forever.

But everything else she said was true. While she had allowed Rachel to fuck her senseless for months now and had her breakdown moment when the brunette had made love to her with her fingers, she knew she wasn't ready to do that to Rachel. Not that she didn't think about it because she did, she thought about it a lot. Late at night, when she wasn't crying herself to sleep with guilt, she thought about all the ways she wanted to touch Rachel with both her fingers and her tongue. She would put her hand in her panties and feel how wet she was and she would rub her clit with her middle finger, imagining that it was Rachel's tiny nub until she fell apart, the singer's name a quiet cry on her lips. She would then bring her wet finger to her lips and lick her juices, letting her mind wonder how Rachel tasted. But here, in this moment, she knew she wasn't physically ready to do it; but she knew Rachel needed release, in their close proximity she could feel and smell the girl's musky arousal.

"I'm not ready yet but…I want you to feel good. I want to watch you come. Will you…touch yourself for me?"

Rachel's heart rate sped up and all she could do was nod her head. She was so turned on just from kissing Quinn and she understood that her girlfriend needed time but she needed to come. She had been planning on sneaking away to the bathroom once Quinn was asleep, if she didn't get off from rubbing against the blonde's thigh, but this was a million times better. The thought of masturbating in front of Quinn was so intimate that she couldn't stop herself from leaning over and placing a sweet kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

"I'd do anything for you. You know that."

She lay down on the bed with two pillows underneath her head and slowly trailed a hand down her neck. Her fingers traced her collarbone and then she pulled the straps of her tank top down her shoulders and pushed the thin fabric down exposing her breasts and her erect nipples. She trailed a hand between her breasts and then pinched both nipples, her eyes never leaving Quinn's.

The blonde's breath caught in her throat when Rachel's right hand went to tease her pussy through the material of her boy shorts and her left continued to tease one of her nipples. Her small hand dipped into the waistband of her underwear and her eyes fluttered closed.

"Rachel." It came out as a strangled cry and the diva opened one eye to look at Quinn. "Can you take the boy shorts off? I want to see you."

The brunette hooked her thumbs into her panties and pulled them down her legs and kicked them to the floor with her foot. She then pulled off her tank that was resting just below her breasts and threw that on the ground as well. With her feet planted firmly on the mattress she opened her legs and fully exposed herself to Quinn.

"Oh my God, Rachel. You are so beautiful," Quinn whispered. She had never seen Rachel fully naked before and now she was spread eagled on the bed, her sex wet and glistening, her clit taking center stage. The singer ran her middle finger between her slit and began rubbing her clit in small circles. Quinn gasped; Rachel touched herself the same way she did. "Do you put fingers inside yourself?" Quinn asked before her mind could even stop her.

"No," Rachel replied her finger still moving over the firm bundle. "I've been saving that for the right person. For you, Quinn."

The blonde sucked in a deep breath. All of a sudden every single one of the sexual encounters the two of them had over the months didn't matter because Rachel had never been penetrated. The fact that the singer was saving that part of herself, and for Quinn no less, made the blonde's heart swell with love. She felt tears prick at the back of her eyes but willed them away. She wanted to focus on what Rachel was doing.

The brunette's finger was moving faster over her clit, her eyes were closed and her breaths were coming out in short pants. She had one hand cupping her breast, her thumb occasionally running over her nipple. She made little mewling whimpers but she kept cutting them short as if she were afraid of Quinn's reaction.

Quinn crawled across the bed so she was at Rachel's side and she leaned down and whispered in her ear, "It's okay if you're thinking about me doing this to you. Say my name. I want to hear you say it when you make yourself come."

The moan Rachel released was high pitched and lustful. Her back arched ever so slightly and her finger pressed down hard on her clit. Then she liberated the litany she had been holding in for so long. "Oh Quinn, yes Quinn. I'm so close. Quinn baby, yes, oh Quinn. Quinn. Quinn."

The blonde watched with wide soulful eyes at the sight of Rachel about to come undone. Her finger was moving frantically and her hips were rocking back and forth while her thumb and forefinger on her other hand were pinching and pulling roughly at her nipple. Suddenly her knees locked and her body went stiff and she moaned, "Qu-Quinn."

In that moment, watching such a beautiful woman orgasm from her own touch with her name on her lips, Quinn felt the tears return to her eyes. She brushed them away with the back of her hand but she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. "Rachel, I love you. That was beautiful."

In the millisecond it took for her brain to register what she had said her body froze and she knew from the way Rachel's hand suddenly stilled and her eyes snapped open that her words had not gone unnoticed. "Quinn?" the brunette asked quietly as she sat up and held a pillow in front of her chest feeling vulnerable and exposed.

Quinn's brain was moving a mile a minute, thinking of what she could say, how she could take her words back. But then she realized that she didn't want to take them back. She did love Rachel and while she might not yet be capable of showing that love physically or to tell the world, she was ready to say it to her girlfriend. "I love you Rachel," she said, her tone filled with confidence.

The brunette's dark brown eyes welled with tears, she never expected Quinn to say those words first and so soon. Even though the blonde sounded so self-assured Rachel knew this could easily be a case of one step forward followed by two steps backward. But tonight she was willing to throw caution to the wind.

"I love you too."

The kiss they shared was soft and sweet and when Rachel pulled away and licked her lips she could taste the saltiness of Quinn's tears. "Please don't cry," she said gently.

"You are just so good to me. You don't push and you deal with all my insecurities. What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?"

Rachel got off the bed and put her pajamas back on before sitting back down on the mattress and taking Quinn into her arms. Despite their height difference, Quinn's head fit perfectly against Rachel's shoulder. She wrapped her arm around the singer's petite waist while Rachel stroked her hair.

"You deserve to be loved for who you are Quinn. Not for some preconceived notion of who you are or for what people think you should be. You let me see that side of you that no one else gets to see. I know you and I love you. Even the parts of yourself that you are still too afraid to let shine."

Quinn felt Rachel place a kiss on the top of her head and she held onto her waist tighter. She had no idea what the morning would bring once she was stone cold sober and she only hoped that she would be able to deal with it. She knew she had opened up a huge piece of her heart and she was trusting Rachel to keep it safe while she continued to struggle with her demons.


End file.
